Reasons to Swing
It is generally felt that you can divide swingers into two
categories; those who participate for recreational and those who
participate for utopian reasons. Recreational swingers see swinging
as a social activity
much like bowling playing tennis and cards. Utopian swingers have a
general philosophy of communitarianism and wish to share not only
sex but all other aspects of life with their fellow participants. At
this time there is relatively little scientific data that indicates
what long-term effect swinging actually has on marriages.
Nevertheless, there is a general belief among swingers that swinging
has a positive effect upon a marriage. They believe that sexual
fidelity is harmful and breeds
jealousy and a feeling of ownership between a husband and wife.
According to them swinging does away with jealousy and helps each
mate see the other as an individual and not as a possession. Another
reason for swinging is boredom with marital sex. Swingers feel that
it is impossible for one person to satisfy another sexually over an
extended
period of time. Swinging is seen as a method of adding new
excitement to the marriage, perhaps even salvaging it. Most swingers
know couples who have tried to salvage a bad marriage by swinging
and they observed that this generally has not been successful. Most
swingers believe that swinging alone cannot save a bad marriage.
They do believe that it can strengthen a good marriage. There may be
deeper psychological reasons for swinging. It is believed that men
may need to
translate early sexual fantasies into reality and that women may be
fulfilling social-romantic needs. Some believe that because of the
marginality of the new middle class, they seek experiences with
others in order to feel they belong. They participate in swinging to
develop social ties and to satisfy the need for sexual fulfilment
that is a result of their restrictive middle-class backgrounds.
Swinging gives them an
opportunity to do both without disrupting their general lifestyle.
All reasons, whether social, psychological, or sociological are, at
the present time, only speculation. One could easily conclude that
the reasons for participating in swinging are as varied as swingers
themselves.
Jealousy In Swinging
Generally, swingers do not show jealousy on the surface. Most
swingers
argue that this is because by going to parties together and leaving
together, they realize their commitment to each other as a couple.
Thus, they do not feel threatened because the other partner has gone
into another room to have sexual relations with another individual.
One such swinger said, "We both know that each of us have
experiences with other people and, yet, we come back to each other
because we want to be together" They feel that this gives you a
feeling of security that you never had before because you feel and
know that the partner is coming back to you even though they have
had a sexual relationship with someone else. They feel that this
builds up self-confidence and security. For a couple to engage in
swinging, they must throw off the belief that having sexual
relations outside of marriage is improper. They just break the
shackles of the double standard. That is, the wife will be having
sexual relations with other males much as the male may have ad
sexual relations outside the marriage with another partner
previously.
Advantages of Swinging
Sexual variety, sexual fulfilment and the potential of carrying out
of
one's fantasies are among the advantages of swinging. Sexual
excitation increases for both partners as a result of the new types
of sexual experiences and there are discussions of actual sexual
experiences. Women receive a great deal of positive reinforcement.
They may begin seeing themselves as more desirable. Women uniformly
report that they have been able to shed sexual inhibitions that they
were raised with. According to many swingers, you have more of a
feeling of your own "personhood". You think of yourself as a person
and not a thing. Many swingers say that swinging creates stronger
bonds between couples. Married couples find that swinging increases
their ability to communicate with each other. Many couples believe
that if a married couple can discuss swinging together they can
discuss anything. Generally, swingers believe they experience
individual growth and develop an ability to communicate better with
other people. Generally, swingers believe that swinging has a
positive effect on their marriage. About 85 percent of both husbands
and wives feel that swinging is not a threat to marriage or love
between spouses.
None of them reported that their marriage became worse since they
began swinging and the majority feel their marriages have improved.
Husbands, in particular, consistently reported a high level of
marital happiness and adjustment. Apparently, swinging has had no
negative effect on the sexual lives of the couples, in fact,
swinging couples have sexual intercourse more frequently than the
general population. More than half of the swinging couples have sex
together more than four times a week as compared with only 16
percent of the general population. Many swingers reported that
rather than dampening their ardour for each other, swinging often
caused an arousal of sexual interest for each other. Many of them
often engaged in sex together immediately after returning home from
a sex party. The effects of swinging most often reported are the
following:
(1) Couples experienced an increased feeling of warmth,
closeness, and love, often most intense immediately after swinging
when the couple got together and discussed their experiences. This
is as if the swinging experience was proof of their love.
(2) Knowledge and confidence regarding sexual technique was
more fully developed.
(3) Social life was enriched and active.
(4) Couples became more open and honest with one another in all
areas of their relationship.
(5) A benefit for some was that sexual behaviour was taken out to
the dark and became a normal activity.
Another effect of swinging is that there is a change in the meaning
of sex, that is, of what is appropriate sexual behaviour, in what
situation, and with whom. Sexual behaviour in swinging becomes more
broadly defined to accommodate a wider range and choice of behaviour
than in a typical monogamous relationship. Sex takes on a different
meaning for a wife and her spouse when she engages in oral-genital
sex with another swinger in the presence of her husband. In
addition, the idea that sexual exclusivity between marriage partners
symbolizes devotion, trust, security, and love no longer exists and
non-exclusivity comes to symbolize these things. Further, sexual
behaviour loses its mystery, its secretiveness, and its aspect of
something done in the dark" and takes on more the character of
normal everyday activity.
Projections
Swinging is an alternative that is emerging within the traditional
structure of marriage in this country. Except for their
participation in co-marital sex, most swingers are living in a
traditional nuclear family. One advantage for many people involved
in swinging is that, except for sexual behaviour, little change is
required in major values related to the traditional family form.
Swinging requires changing basic values related to monogamous sexual
behaviour or admitting values that are different, at least from what
individuals have paid lip service to in the past. Families who swing
find that, except for sex related areas, it does not require
substantial changes in behavioural and functional roles. There is
some evidence, however, that such sexual activities sometimes
require changes in how couples handle jealousy, power, and so forth
in the marriage. Swinging marrieds probably represent the least
revolutionary of the emerging alternative lifestyles. Generally,
swingers challenge traditional beliefs only in the area of sexual
monogamy. Strong relationships outside the pair bond are still, for
the most part, regarded as threats rather than potentials for
personal growth. Generally, contemporary swingers view sex as a
recreation, which is relatively consistent with a consumer-oriented
society, although there is development of personal growth and change
through swinging. Swinging may be a preservative rather than a
catalyst for change in the basic structure of the family in our
society. Swinging may be viewed as a bridge between old and new
values for persons who need old values to feel comfortable in our
changing society. Swinging, for the most part, only violates the
sexual exclusivity value and not other basic values
revolving around the traditional nuclear family. Rules on sex,
paternity, and social relationships among swingers make it an
adjunct to marriage rather than strictly an alternative. Swinging
supports rather than disrupts monogamous marriage as it currently
exists in our society.
