Your Online Dating Guide - Valuable Hints, Tips and Guides          to Make Your Online Dating Experience a Success

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How To Date Online


Internet online dating takes patience and practice and it's not always for the faint hearted. Just because you are seated at your own computer doesn't mean that people will come to chat with you for no reason. No even in this medium of Internet dating, you must take the initiative and actively seek to contact those you like whilst ignoring those you do not. Many tens of thousands of people worldwide enter Internet dating sites everyday of the year, some are serious, some are not. Some want marriage, some seek sex, others simply wish for companionship. When accessing online dating, it is your task not only to represent yourself in the best possible light but also to speak to those who are of interest and discourage those who are not.


When using dating services you must learn to take responsibility for your actions, reply to messages, send well constructed opening greetings to people you are attracted to and get the most for your money. Yes money, because the professional dating sites are not free. That is not quite true, some Internet dating agency sites are free, but they tend not be of the same quality as a professional ecommerce Internet dating agency. No, an Internet dating agency charges for a reason. Firstly it discourages the fly-by-nights and those who seek only to surf and be curious. Secondly online dating sites are expensive to run proficiently and therefore a premium rate membership is charged to allow for premium services for communication such as onsite email, instant messaging, chat rooms, articles and assistance. In other words, you get what you pay for, and that means instant access and sophisticated means of contacting other singles.


Who are the most successful people who date online? Well, it depends on your view of success. If you mean who are the most popular, the busiest, those with the fullest diaries, even those who go on the most dates, well that's easy. They are the people who are kind and polite to everyone, always chatting, have a good friends' list, they frequently use email and messaging, they access the chat rooms and call their voicemail to get to know people. In other words they are busy and confident and willing to use all the dating means of communication at their disposal. If you are shy and inexperienced it doesn't matter because we are here to help you.


If you want to get the best from your dating services membership, try to present the right image, get people to interact with you by chatting daily, and become popular online by being friendly.

These basics may help you on one of the best ways of meeting people there is:

� Obvious one - complete your profile fully. No, not partially! Fully! And accurately! There is nothing worse for a browsing member using dating services than spending their quality time opening your profile only to find your profile is full of Ask Me statements. Okay, it's cool that you may wish to discuss everything one-to-one and disclose nothing in advance, but you have to attract someone in the first place! Our members want to read about you! Today! You can start being enigmatic later. So let's start by providing something to chat about --- you! Would you go into a bar with a bag over your head? Exactly. Well an incomplete profile is a very similar start. So ....Be informative, be complete, be thorough, be of interest.


� When creating your own Personals ads on a singles web site, add a photograph or two or even four! Members with photos are likely to get up to 9 times more replies than members without any photo image attached to their profile. Why? Because people like to know who they are dealing with, especially when viewing Personals, and especially when they have already displayed their photo to you. People feel confident with, and possible attraction to, someone who is willing to show their face. After all, it's nice to know what your future partner looks like, right?! Okay, I know we aren't all photogenic models, but believe me; any photo is far better than none at all. Browsing Personals is much more fun when viewing photos too.

� Now here is good dating advice. Add a nice photo. A photo of you. A smiling photo. A smiling photo up close. A recent smiling photo up close! Make sure your photos are recent (preferably less than 6 months old) and that you are happy. If they are not fairly recent then okay if you look the same. However if you have altered and you post old photos then you may be not only fooling others but also yourself. Sometimes people think that using an old photo when Internet dating won't matter because in the end its personality that counts. That is true, but once again its not generally about looks, its about honesty.

� When using a singles web site, don't be aggressive or rude in your Internet dating profile. Take some good dating advice. It may be your sense of humour to be sarcastic or cutting, but it doesn't always come across best in anonymous text. Biting hammer in the first instance will not usually attract the desired attention, even if it's meant to be amusing. That comes once you are chatting.

� You may have had a bad time with a previous partner, but making a list of specific criteria a future partner must meet usually has the effect of making people look elsewhere. Even if these available singles match! We all seek Mr. Right and Miss Right, but turning dating into a job interview for singles everywhere removes every ounce of romance and passion from the occasion. Lets have fun guys and not trade resumes! If you are searching for Mar Right, girls, then make sure you present yourself as their Miss Right. Mr. Right out there, are you listening...the same applies to you!

� If you wish to use swear words on a singles web site, then save them! The best dating advice I can give is - please don't use them here in your profile or conversations and emails. They are generally offensive and really do turn people off.

� When Internet dating, make your profile truthful above all things, but emphasize your best characteristics. Admitting that you are a loner who has no friends will not win you new friends usually. But emphasizing that you are a true individual with unique genuine properties, will.

� Don't manufacture the truth as this is one of the worst things about the reputation of Internet daters and Internet dating. We pride ourselves on having very honest genuine members who are keen to date and find their perfect partner. The key thing about the truth is that it always reveals itself in the end. So, even though you may think that not being entirely accurate about perhaps a small detail isn't too important (status or age or height or weight for example), the fact is that once the truth is revealed, generally your potential Mar Right or Miss Right WILL run away. Small things shouldn't matter and often don't, but misleading someone does!

� If you really feel passionate about something say so, don't try and hide the things that are important to you. If you love partying say so, if your religion is important to you, say so. Don't suppress or hide things that are part of who you are. Stand tall and proud. Singles dating online, and people in general even, often make the error of trying to be what they think the other person wants them to be. Pretending is a fool's game and it won't work,-Be yourself.


� Chat to as many people as possible via online dating sites and dating services like Adult matchmaker, using every method we offer, but also try to be realistic about time and commitment.. We have provided you with some amazing methods to communicate with, so give them a go. Frequently. A few emails once a quarter will not probably bring you life long happiness, though there is a chance. Like all things in life - the more you put in using Internet dating services, the more successful you will be.

� Do not pretend that you are willing to fly half way round the world to meet someone you have been chatting to when using online dating sites if you are not really serious. It's not fair on anyone including you. It's easy to get carried away with a lovely person seven thousand miles away, but are you really going to get out of that chair and go and meet them? If you are, you have our utmost support and respect. If you are really only looking for some one in your state or close to home then stick with that and make it clear.

� If available, use secure voicemail services to hear what single men and single women sound like. The sound of a voice is a powerful and very real experience. Perhaps try leaving someone a message. It's a good way of introducing yourself. But do plan your message in advance. Mumbling and stuttering down the phone with an unplanned message will not present a confident opening impression.

� Do use the Internet dating chat rooms to gain confidence, as they are totally anonymous and full of single women and single men like you. You can chat as part of a group, and when you feel some desire and interest or you simply feel more confident, try chatting to a person privately or one-to-one. Afterwards, why not email and send a message to introduce yourself more fully. All perfect relationships have to begin somewhere.

� Make use of your very own Internet dating friends' list, its there for you to build yourself your own special community of single men and single women you like; people you get on with, and people you can build a trusting friendship. And maybe more.

� Always try and reply to people's messages and reply in a reasonable amount of time, not weeks later. If you are serious about dating, you are serious about replying. They have taken the time to talk or write to you and they may be really nice. You cannot always tell from a few sentences or a grainy photo. Then again, maybe you can! But you can't always tell a great deal from a photograph so try not to appear rude. You may not be the perfect match, but they could introduce you to someone who is!

� Be patient, it takes time to find someone special when using online dating sites and dating services, like anywhere else for that matter. Using an Internet dating agency requires practise and commitment like anything else worth doing. After all, it's just that one special person that you wish to meet. Sometimes you need to chat to quite a few people first via a good Internet dating agency. Unfortunately, that�s the world we live in. Take your time to complete your Internet dating agency profile, take your time to chat with many different people using different kinds of dating services available, and take your time to get to know someone well. Socialize and chat frequently and soon enough we truly believe you will be pleasantly surprised.

� Think positive and keep thinking positive.

Good Luck!

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Dating Ideas - Great Places to Date


When faced with the prospect of dating ideas with someone new, it is always amazing how quickly one's mental creative energies normally nuclear fuelled take on the attributes of the Sahara Desert. Yes, Saturday and Sunday need to be filled as does Tuesday evening with person X and what have you thought of so far ? Zilch!

Ironically, whilst our minds are buzzing with thousands of ideas they are usually all useless and not appropriate in this instance. Two weeks last Thursday you could have thought of flying to Niagara Falls for dinner, ballooning over Paris at dawn or swimming naked together by moonlight in your local pool. But two weeks later with new date on the phone and even worse heading to meet you after work and you can think of absolutely nothing at all. Worse still, you have no preference and start using phrases like "no, that's fine, whatever you like, its up to you, you choose".

Stop right there. There is a danger here of appearing completely useless and about to fall at the first hurdle so its time to pre-plan and get your thinking caps on. Its time for dating ideas. Of course dating ideas differ depending on whether it is first date, second date or so on. Maybe you are hoping that the third date will be spent in bed but lets not get ahead of ourselves. For now we will stick to social functions and activities their parents would approve of.

The key to dating in the early stages is keeping it manageable, relatively inexpensive, within easy travel proximity's and also within manageable timelines. Particularly on a first date, you may wish to leave early, or so may they. An exit plan for both guys and girls is always useful. After the initial date the key to good dating ideas is to make them sociable, relaxed, fun, public and open-ended. Lets face it, why stop a date that is really going well. That is why I favour lunchtimes for first dates and afternoons for weekend second dates. Lunchtimes are good because they have predetermined time restrictions and can be abandoned if necessary with little harm done. Saturday afternoons are great for a second date because that allows both of you to over run if things are going really well.

Dinner is often the case for a first date but its often too formal leading to too much social pressure. Both parties feel obliged to finish the meal even if its going badly and there is always a decent sized bill to cap it all. Its late in the day so parties may not sparkle as they normally would, there may be transport issues, darkness, alcohol, fatigue, dress and very importantly, the restaurant may not be to both tastes.

So with this in mind here are some ideas for keeping things fun, real and enjoyable. Make your own list in advance of any dating for your own city so that you have some ideas in advance. Always have a good food guide and know some nice daytime places to visit. Oh and always avoid places where you can't chat, like the movies!

First Date

Lunchtime convenient coffee shop

Lunchtime restaurant

Early evening restaurant

Second Date

Weekend walk in the park and lunch

Visit the Zoo and lunch

Indoor Bowling and dinner

A ballgame or sports event and lunch

Art Gallery and museums

Third Date

Amusement and adventure park

All day Water park - Summer !

Visit the beach and lunch

Include them in a sporting activity

Visit a tourist attraction and take in drinks and dinner

Theater and dinner

Adventure Activity

 

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Aussie Beach Dating

When summer looms, it's time to take stock guys. You are going to have to go to the beach at some stage, and even worse you are going to have to take your shirt off, unless you want to look like you are concealing something. If you want to meet girls on the sand then the very first thing you must do is GO TO THE GYM. I cannot say this more clearly, sort your body out. If you begin in April, 3 months of training will lead you into a confident packed July. Certainly you will feel a great deal better about yourself anyway as I know miracles don't happen over night.

Then I have to mention body hair. Whilst amassing body hair as one gets older may be nature's way of keeping us warm, a huge mountain of hair over your shoulders and back simply will not do. Women generally don't find to attractive so lose it. Where do you lose it? Straight down to the waxing salon my friend. It may hurt, but only once every six weeks and girls have their legs waxed all the time so pull your self together. Gyms often have an area that caters for waxing and if all else fails get your mom or sister (perhaps not your father!) to do it with a home waxing kit. It will take a few minutes and make a huge difference to your desirability factor.

Okay so once your body and hair cover are in good shape also consider a tanning salon for 3 sessions if you are pale. Going on the beach and being seen from outer space is not cool and neither do you want to waste a week or two of meeting time getting a tan. Get to a tanning center and a few sessions will ready the skin pigments for more rapid tanning (so I am told so don't sue me!).

So, now that you are primed lets get down to the beach and meet some babes:

First of all, the beach is often full of girls and they are often as bored as everyone else. We can pretend that the beach is a fascinating place and it is when we are looking at people we fancy but just laying in the sand for 10 hour stretches isn't interesting in itself. Though it is a good place for a sleep. No, my friend, girls are waiting for you to stroll past and entertain them, even if it's only at third hand.

The first thing to point out is that the beach is generally a relaxed place full of chilled-out people who are half-dazed, half-hungover, half-blinded by sunlight and half-asleep. So to make an impression you are going to have to do some approaching to make things happen. Now the first thing to point out is that ogling the bathing beauties isn't going to get you anywhere. For heaven's sake man haven't you seen breasts before?

Let us be clear, a girl in a bikini is displaying her body. She may not fancy you and she may be after a good tan, but she is attractive and attracting all the same. So what you have to do is not smile, or leer or letch, you have to go and make nice direct conversation. Don't walk past and simply say "Hi there", you have to go for a chat and make nice general conversation whilst listening carefully for everything she has to say to pick up on any clues about her availability and interest. Oh and by the way - if you are holding your stomach in and breathing shallow, she already knows you are looking like and idiot. And if you are more worried about your all over tan than she is about hers, forget it.

So it is time to take action. Spot a girl you like who is as clearly available and single as you can gather and then go over for some light conversation and you will need to inject it with some good humour and intelligent observation. If she has a friend you may go over with your mate in tow too but that can be a recipe for disaster because if her friend doesn't like your friend, their discomfort will lead to her friend dragging your beach babe away. Sadly, as many guys know, a beach babe is often accompanied by a beached whale.

So go it alone. Go for a chat with your sun-creamed damsel and be witty and charming. Do not lay on her sun lounger and take over, offer to get her and her friend a cold drink whilst you are there. Let them stay where they are, don't invite them immediately to joining your 50 other male friends unless they really seem keen to do so. The fact is, you may well dazzle the girl with your pecs and abs but you are still going to have to use some dynamic conversation to get her laughing. Make your initial contact fairly brief but enough to stir her interest. Then initially retreat to play games with your mates in the surf whilst she looks on and discusses your potential with her friends. Later, it will be time for a longer visit for better conversation.

When you go to the beach, guys, forget the ever-so-brief Speedos. Apart from the fact that you will put almost every single girl on the beach off you due to you not leaving anything to the imagination, your packed-lunch needs to retain an air of mystery as this stage. So put it away and leave the Speedo thongs at home. When you are an Olympic swimmer you can put them on again. Get your surf shorts on (preferably a stylish make) and let them flab in the breeze. Surf dudes are cool for very good reasons. By the same token, any form of coloured sun block across the cheek bones should be lost. You will look like an idiot.

As for sunglasses, you may usually look like Bono from U2 with your fly-like shades but not here, my boy. Instead get yourself to the mall or surf shop and buy some cool shades that don't have red neon lenses with fractal mirror effects so the girls thing you are a loser. No, if I can sum up this paragraph, it's stylish, stylish, stylish! You may think well it's the beach, this doesn't matter. But girls notice everything and that includes you so unless you wish to remain single, take heed of what I am telling you.

So, you are in shape, you are dressed well, you are subtle and you are confident about making opening conversation. There are things that you can bring to the beach that may help you in your beach babe quest. Consider these without looking like you are building Everest base camp:

Drinks Cooler - Perfect for your beers and the offer of a refreshment for the girls. The perfect opener.
Sun Cream - With that tanned hairless back, you now need someone to rub cream in, so use one of the oldest lines in the book to its greatest effect. "Hi, do you think you could assist me by rubbing some oil on my back". You will rarely get refused if you select carefully.
Ball - The simplest round device can end up uniting a whole section of beach in a volleyball tournament or football match. They are useful even just to throw in the surf, though I once did use a coconut in Malaysia (very heavy when full of water!). Basically, always be armed with whatever toys can entertain. The exception is water pistols. Girls do not like being splashed with water so forget it.
Radio, CD Player - Good and bad. You want to bring music to entertain the troops but you do not want to play music wars with every other beat box on the beach. By the same token you also do not want to ram your musical tastes down the throat of everyone within half a musical mile. So work on the subtleties of having a radio to attract, because it can. Do NOT lay about with a personal stereo on as you will remain single (and deaf) forever.
 

Boogie Boards - Go to the stall near the beach and buy a minimum of two of these foam-fantastics. These are those things like you used to learn to swim with but now jazzed up to roll about with in the surf for a spot of belly surfing. If you have a collection then hand them out to the lovelies you like and invite them in with you. Girls are rarely offered this kind of opportunity so take the initiative. Now.
Beach Towels or Rug - this means something to lie on to build your base camp. Anything will do except the 6 feet versions with imprinted pictures of naked blondes. Once again, your mates may love it, but the girls will think you're an idiot. Style, style , style fellas !

Do NOT ever bring a deck chair or lounger with you onto the beach. You are supposed to be a man. You should be swimming and playing sports mainly and if not you should be chatting to the girls you like. Wearing mirror shades may be fun for girl spotting but to all the women on the beach you will be classed as a pervert and ignored so lose them. Any invasion on the beach of a video camera is also useful in displaying you as a perverted voyeur so lose that as well. Girls will immediately think that you will be posting the footage a few hours later onto a seedy site on the web. If you can't wear it or put it in your mouth, it's unnecessary.

Whatever you do, ensure that you include the girls you are interested in, in sports and activities on the beach. It is always nice to be included and just because she looks like a mermaid or bikini goddess doesn't mean she prefers to sleep all day. If she can laze about on your surf board in the shallows or play ball in the waves, then make the offer. After all, she can always smile and say no. And what's the problem with that?
 

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13 Tips to Dating Safe

1. Use a reputable cyber-dating site - Make sure it has a good privacy policy. If there isn't one listed at the site, go elsewhere.

2. Take your time - Get to know the person over the Internet and let the relationship develop before you meet them in person. Keep the old e-mail to compare the information they give you and watch for inconsistencies.

3. Ask a lot of questions - This will help you detect liars and cons and it will help you find out if you're compatible.

4. Ask a friend to read over the e-mail you receive - An unbiased observer can spot warning signs you missed.

5. Don't believe everything you read online - People can pretend to be whatever and whomever they like.

6. Don't give out personal information online - This is information that would allow someone to find you offline, i.e. your full name, where you work, where you live, your phone or fax number. Use an anonymous e-mail address through services like Hotmail.com or Yahoo.com. When setting up the account, be sure not to include any of your personal information.

7. Start with a phone call - Use a public phone at first. Don't give out your home number until you're comfortable.

8. Meet in a public place - If possible, take a friend with you. A double date is a safe way to start. If you don't take a friend, go someplace where there are people. Start with coffee or lunch.

9. Tell a friend - Make sure someone knows whom you are meeting, where you're going and when you're coming back. Keep all the e-mail and let your friend know where to find them if anything goes wrong.

10. Take a cellular phone.

11. Never leave public areas or go home with your date. Stay in public until you know the person better.

12. Trust your intuition - If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

13. Report any attacks or threats - Don't be embarrassed to report problems to the police. Remember, if you don't report them, the same thing could happen to someone else. Also, report any problems to the online dating service you used.
 

 

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Guide to Writing Your Online Personal Ad

I hate to say this guys but according to recent polls (including our own) Males out number Females in on-line dating. This gives an advantage to women since they have more men to choose from. The disadvantage is, as a girl you may be oversaturated with requests for responses, which most actually women don't mind. One of the complaints of Men is they do not get enough responses to their ad. This is why the size of the online dating service memberships' data base is so important. Adultmatchmaker has by far the largest members data base "Down Under". There is one important thing you can do, should you wish, to increase the response rate to your profile;

It's rather simple and common sense, the best thing, after choosing a good online dating service,  that both men and woman can do is take your time and write a good profile. You should make a list of traits that you look for in a person. A simple item like smoking may mean an instant no but if you forget to include it in your Dating Profile you may find someone you would like to meet and then end up months later finding out he or she smokes which ends the relationship and the both of you lose a few months of your time.

One other major item that needs to be included with any profile are pictures. The average statistic out there is people with pictures get 8 times more responses than people with out. It is also a good idea to have more than one photo. The more pictures you have displayed the better your responses will be. People like to see who they are communicating with. You will be spending good money on a dating site so don�t let it go to waste with out including a picture Here are some Guidelines on how to write a successful Personal Ad:

Good Headline - You need an attention getting headline which stands out above the rest and demands to be read. There are many �White Man seeking love' out there. Spice up your headline with descriptive words of yourself, it usually is the first thing people will see of your profile.

Specific Details - You know who you are and what you want, tell them about it! Almost everyone seems to enjoy 'moonlit walks, candlelight dinners, and strolls on the beach'. Be specific about values held and sought, in addition to naming hobbies and interests. If you know your soul mate is a Buddhist, say so. If you are adamant about remaining childless, convey that too. State your willingness to travel. The woman in Paris may not respond when she notes you live in Rio, if you fail to mention that geographic location is no barrier. What is your personal mantra? Share it. The woman, who understands and appreciates it best, is the one who will reply.

Honesty - The easiest way to ruin what might have been a beautiful friendship is to lie. Hide the fact that you are a single father of 5 year-old triplets, and miss a chance to find the woman who wants to love them and share your parental joys.

Dishonesty will always be caught sooner or later. Allow others to make informed decisions about what they will and will not accept, based on an honest representation of yourself.

As a fit person you would likely be disappointed to learn that the woman you've been writing for the last month weighs 250 pounds, and not 125 as stated. She may feel likewise to learn you are the U.S. president, and not the sole object of your adoration!

Be truthful and avoid the pain, heartache, disappointment and separation caused by dishonesty. Open yourself to incredible happiness by allowing others to love you as you are, for who you are.

Check out the competition. What attracts your attention to their ads? Note those which stand out have clarity and are original, personal, and direct. What can you say about yourself in a single sentence which makes you irresistible to the opposite sex?

If you truly seek love and long-term commitment, comments here about length, size and shape of 'physical' attributes are a turn-off to women who seek men of intellectual, emotional, and spiritual substance. Pornographic headlines are not accepted into the database. If you are well-endowed with a fabulous sense of humour, use it! Nothing attracts so quickly as laughter and goodwill.

Positive Nature - Let your natural exuberance and zest for life shine through in your writing. Negativity repels. You may elicit an offer from a counselling service if you project a woebegone, or suicidal attitude, but you probably won't attract your soul mate.

Grammar & Spelling - You wouldn't show up on a first date unwashed and unkempt, would you? Likewise, if your spelling skills are somewhat lacking, consult a dictionary before submitting your otherwise artfully crafted and well-thought-out ad.

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Creating An Effective Personals Ad That Gets Results: Do's and Don'ts

by Anna Winters

Creating a great ad means selling your strengths and attributes. Think of this as creating your personal resume. Many of the online systems provide a multiple choice matching along with an essay. After someone finds you with a "match", it is your essay portion that can make you shine. It is crucial to fill out the essay completely, with at least 2 or three sentences per question asked. You can come back to the essay later on many systems. You will spend 45 minutes to an hour filling this out. People who do not fill out the essay are not taking seriously and get passed on for other profiles that are more forthcoming. Be honest in your ad.


What to write about? Describe yourself honestly and accurately. Include hard data such as your height, weight, body type, educational background and profession. Show your personality. Talk about your hobbies, interests, activities you enjoy, movies, books, or music you enjoy, where you like to travel, and minimally about your work (do not give your place of employment....keep it general such as: I am a nurse at a local clinic, an accountant with a medium size company, etc). Don't share too much information or write a book.....just write enough to get them interested. You have to leave something to talk about later.


Share your feelings and experiences, not just facts about your life. You don't want your profile to be a touchy-feely pile of mush (can you hear your potential dates heading for the door?), but you do want to communicate things people can relate to: where you're from, where you are, where you're going in life, what makes you laugh, things you really enjoy about life. DON'T fixate on only one aspect of your life: You may love your dog, have a great career, live to ski, and those are great things to talk about in your profile. But if you talk about that and only that, you're going to come off as one-dimensional and obsessed. Show your fully rounded self. Put your personality and humor into what you write. Tell what you are like, and don't try to make false impressions. False impressions will back fire in the online dating arena as much as they will in the rest of your life. Relax, and let your true self show through. There are people who will like who you are.


Don't dwell on your problems and limitations: This is not the place to talk about why you got divorced, your last relationship didn't work out, or problems at work. You can talk about this later after you get to know someone. If you have children, mention them BRIEFLY with their ages and sex. Do not spend time talking about your children or reveal their names. People are wanting to look at a profile that focuses on YOU, not your immediate family. You can talk about your childcare arrangements and coaching little league soccer, etc later. People looking at your profile want to know you have time for them. Focusing on your children and their activities can give the impression that you will have limited time.


What you are looking for:

Think about who you are and what you are looking for. To make friends? Fall in love? Meet someone to hang out with? Do you want something short term or long term? Do you just want to chat with? (Ex. I am looking for a cultured man between 32-45 who is a Christian, attends church, college educated, and is into opera and gallery hopping). (Ex. Looking for a down to earth gal between 22-30 that likes the country, camping, country music, country dancing and NASCAR). Don't say that you are looking for the love of your life and want to get married....this will scare a lot of people away. Its good idea to state the general type of person you are hoping to meet, but don't overdo it. If you set down too many requirements you will miss out on the opportunity to meet some great people, and quite possibly the one that is just right for you.


Words to Use and Avoid:

Good Words:

Affectionate, Likes to cuddle, interested in a committed relationship, sensitive, great cook, romantic, caring, monogamous, down to earth, looking for best friend, educated, sophisticated, loving, generous, cute, reliable, my colleagues describe me as handsome, great legs, petite, curvaceous, hourglass figure, gentleman.


Words to Avoid:

Some of the bad stuff I have seen in ads. (On some systems, you will get terminated using some of this language whether in your profile or in an email). These guys have read too many Penthouse magazines and need to look in the alternative personals. Here is what NOT to put in a personal on a regular/metro site: Well hung, great in bed, I'd love to satisfy you, sexually insatiable, animal, great lover, oral, fuck, blow, make love, erotic, uninhibited and any other sexual words. This stuff is SCARY to most women and runs them off.You can tweak and improve your profile as you go along.


Tweaking your profile:

If you're getting the type of responses you're looking for, great. If you're getting responses from the wrong types of people or not getting as many responses as you'd like, then review your profile and think about how you can improve it and make yourself shine a little bit more. Most matchmaking systems have a place for you to edit your essay and parts of your ad. Take a look at it at least every couple of weeks.


How to search for a new friend:

Each matchmaking system has different ways of searching for compatible profiles. Some have several ways. Typically these are MATCH, SEARCH, FIND, and some allow you to make a Search Profile that you can reuse. You can search by location, ideal height and weight, ethnic background -- even by interest in having kids in the future.


A high percentage on a multiple choice match is a good start but read the answers and look at the essay. The percentages may be great but then the profile might be someone who sounds desperate and lonely, is someone just looking for sex or has totally different interests and values.


If there is a photo, look at the photo and remember that the photo can be one taken yesterday or 5 years ago. Unless the person is down right unappealing, remember that amateur/family photos don't always make a person look their best. Look for profiles that match your ideal characteristics but also hit you the right way -- do the writers sound funny? Intellectual? Love animals as much as you do? Like to travel?


Posting Photos:

It is up to you to post a photo. You will increase your response rate TEN TIMES by posting a photo. People want to see who they are writing to, and many don't want to start a correspondence and waste time with someone that they don't know if there is even a initial attraction from a photo. If you want a lot of responses, you'd better have a picture. From my experience, and from what I've heard from others, it seems that people who don't have pictures of themselves are usually hiding something. So, if you don't have a picture, people are going to assume you look like a dog. If you are a high profile person in the city you live, offer in your profile to exchange photos from your personal (yahoo or hotmail, not your real email address). Make sure you put an accurate description of what you look like in your profile. You may want to say what celebrity you closely resemble.


People who say they don't have a photo or don't have a way to get one on line are either lazy or playing games. If you don't have a scanner at home or work, take a photo to KINKO's (they are everywhere). Have your photo or photos scanned in a .jpg format. Most matchmaking systems do not allow you to send the zip files or unusable formats. Typically .jpg, .gif, and .bmp is the limit and they must be sized down. Photos should have a shirt on, clearly show your face (no sunglasses), well lit, no swimwear (except for secondary shots) and no family in your primary photo. Make sure you are smiling in the photo. (Who wants to meet someone who looks angry and glum). Many companies allow secondary shots that have your family and friends in the photos as long as you are in the photo. Don't use a photo in which you're dressed too revealingly -- you want to look elegant and alluring, but a picture of you in a bikini is going to attract the wrong kind of responses.


What should you not send? You car, house, boat, photos of your kids or friends by themselves, photos where your face is the size of a pencil head, photos with your ex, dark shots, anything revealing, etc. Send your best photos. Remember, FIRST IMPRESSIONS may be your only chance. Your most recent photo of you camping (once in 5 years) with the ball cap on may leave a the impression that you don't want others to have. Again, think in terms of a resume. How would you want an employer to first see you? (Dressed nicely with your hair perfect). Ex. A good mix would be primary photo in a business suit or polo shirt, secondary photo out rock climbing with friends, third photo with two nephews at XMAS.


Out of Town or Unable to Answer email? Members of matchmaking systems expect responses to their emails quickly. If you can't answer emails for a week or two, edit your profile and at the top of the essay say "I will be out of town for "x time frame" and will not have access to email. Please ear mark my profile and write me back at "x time frame" and I will be happy to respond when I return." This is especially important during the summer months when people are on vacation and during holidays.

 

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About the Author:
Anna Winters is a writer for singlesonthego, the largest singles groups, singles events and activities website helping 500,000 plus readers monthly find singles events in their city.
 

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A Guide to Online Adult Dating in Australia and Zealand -

 - Hints & tips for when you first join an online dating service

Common Worries

One thing that is common with most people when talking about online dating is they approach it with a little apprehension at first.  Asking themselves, "Why am I doing this?  Will I actually meet someone I'll like?  Aren't only people who can't get dates in the real world trying online dating?"  The truth is online dating is growing and more accepted today.  The reason is we all have less time.  In today's lifestyle and culture people want more control in socializing.  Many people are putting in more hours at work these days and some are even juggling two jobs leaving them little time to socialize.

This is where online dating comes in:  you choose who you want to talk to and when.  You have a wide selection of people to choose from, and often with their likes and dislikes right there to read.  So it is easy to find people you may share interests with.  These aren't random encounters at the bar but people you have done a little research on and decided you want to know more about and test the waters with a simple email message.

Who uses Adultmatchmaker?

Everybody. You can't point to one demographic because that's like saying who goes to movies? It's essentially Australia's and New Zealand's biggest singles bar. Except you can do it in the privacy of your own home and take your time to read about someone and get to know them by e-mail and phone before you ever go out.

The Expansion Of Online Dating

Online dating is growing. Socializing online is increasing as internet connections speed up with DSL and make it easier to navigate online.  The future of matchmaking online will get more advanced and fun - with videos, live voice, and more.

Again, the great thing about socializing online is you can be very exact about what you like and dislike right off, and choose people who share those interests or you may even want to meet someone who does something you would like to know more about.  You will not only meet someone new but take part in a new activity.  You might not like tennis but this person is such a good teacher that you come to enjoy not just this person's company but their sport and being around them.  Online dating just expands your opportunities to meet more diverse people.
 

Should you look for dates online if you're not that serious?
 

Absolutely. Don't do it if you're in a bad place, but this can serve whatever purpose you want it to serve. Think of it like joining the gym. You can join the gym and work out six days a week, workout three days a week, one day a week, once a month. You get out what you put in.

Quick Tips

- Have fun!
- Fill out registration honestly.
- Ask and answer questions.
- When email exchanges move to the phone you can read a lot by the tone of voice.  Also, pay attention to their    ability to listen and communicate.

Date safe. 

Don't give out personal information (home address for instance) until you know you want to go on a date with this person.

Meet the person in a neutral zone.  At a cafe or restaurant - a public place.

Diversity of Users

There are all types of people online just as in the real world.  There are people who just want to have fun and may back out at the last minute.  Others may act more serious and want to find their 'one true love'.  Next there might be the socializing chatter brain who just to meet a bunch of people and not actually go on a date.  Finally, the largest group, the dedicated searcher, focused and definitely online to find a date and make a connection.

You will probably find a mix of all these kinds of people, so have fun and choose wisely, usually your first thought is the right one.  If you are unsure ask a friend for advice.

Find The Right Relationship Match

The key is finding the person who wants the kind of relationship you are looking for.  Whether you want a serious long term relationship or a friend to go out with.  The relationship may be platonic at first, but could lead to something more. 

Good Advice:  Be Patient

Make sure the person you might meet has answered all your questions.  If pressured move on, don't rush into anything.

Ask Stupid Questions

Some people might not lie outright but may hide the fact that they are not really single but have a girlfriend or boyfriend or are even married.  If you get a sense that something isn't right, it most likely isn't right.  Ask and see if they can erase your initial worry.

Caution Signs

1.  No definitive answers.  You ask how old they are and they respond it doesn't matter for example.

2.  Following up and reliability.  Doing what they say they were going to do.  Simply responds when they say they are going to respond.

3.  Consistency in writing style.

4.  Doesn't want to exchange pictures.

5.  Only emails late at night and in a cryptic style that is hard to understand.

6.  Immediately wants to meet or says I love you after just a few messages.  (Obviously a red flag!)

An overall good idea in online or dating offline is follow your instinct.  The great thing about online dating is you can pick and choose easily and not necessarily go out on an awkward first date.

The Steps To Offline Dating

Again, take your time.  Don't skip any of the steps that are the normal course of online dating.

1.  Meet online anonymously.
2.  Chat and exchange emails:  dislikes and likes, shared goals.
3.  Speak over the phone.
4.  Meet in a public place.  Possibly with friends at a party for example.

You could add exchange pictures to this short list.
 
Writing A Personal Ad

Try to type something up before you go to the site to post your ad.  You are marketing yourself, essentially creating a brief resume but rather than for a job, for a date or love.  Take the time to craft a fun and clever ad.

Your Alias

You will also need to select an alias.  This should be an attention grabbing name and should give some clues to who you are and tell a little bit about yourself since this is the first thing people will see.  Your alias might be funny and clever, tell something about your personality, tell something about what kind of relationship you are seeking, and be more a descriptive combination hinting at your personality and showing what kind of date you are looking for.

You could also use your alias to let people know about one of your passions or hobbies.  If you enjoy dancing you could have an alias like dancinggirl or salesman or if you like sports you could use the alias skigirl or soccerboy.  Although you should only use an alias that relates to one of your passions or hobbies if it is truly something you are passionate about because it will not only attract people with those similar kinds of interests but exclude those that don't enjoy those activities.  This is what is great about online dating, you can narrow down and find exactly who you are looking for.

Make It Sell

Again, you are basically marketing yourself.  If you say 'fun girl' you will probably attract a lot of guys simply looking for a good time.  So you have to think about what kind of people you want to get responses from.

Another thing to think about is when choosing an alias you need it to stand out amongst all the others.  You can do this by referring to something unknown or esoteric and only those who know what you are talking about will be in on the reference.  For example you could mention a writer or actor you enjoy and attach that to your alias like Rowlinglady (referring to JK Rowling the author of Harry Potter) or merylstreepwoman, this can also hint at what you look like if you look similar to the actress Meryl Streep for instance.  Having a hidden reference can also give you and the person you're contacting something to chat about when first exchange messages.  Acting like a spark for the initial connection.

Another option you have when creating an alias is to have it say something about what your like or what the dating experience might be like with you:  funlovingdude, or shygirl, goodkindofbad, hittheclubs, studiousbutfun.  Also, you could give an idea of what kind of relationship you want, seriouslovelady, lifelove, kindhearted, justbrokeup, huggable, or justfun.  Try to get creative and the bottom line in the online dating world is to have fun, express yourself, and be safe by listening to your own internal instincts, trust them.

On The Front Page:  Create A Headline

The dating website will want you to write a headline for your ad.  Potential dates will only see this at some sites, so it is important, just as when creating an alias, to have it get people's attention and say something about yourself or give clues to what you're like.  The more it intrigues people the more clicks you will get and visits to your profile.  You can take a similar approach to your headline as with your alias, incorporating a little about yourself or going the clever, funny route - below are a few quick examples:

"I'm Worth It"
"You Won't Be Disappointed"
"Devilish Angel"
"Seriously Studious But Full of Fun"
"Sunsets and Walks On The Beach"
"Ask and You Shall Receive"
"Scratch and Sniffable"
"People Usually Lick, I'm Like Me"

As said before, you can definitely come up with some better one's.
 
Truthfully Describe Yourself & What Kind Of Relationship You Want

Don't lie about your appearance if you want the potential relationship to work out.  If you're a little chubby say so, you may find a great work out partner, your alias could be dietpartner even.  If you're tall, say so, this is another reason why online dating has grown in it's popularity.  The way that it can narrow down your selections and match people.  If you're tall and want to connect with someone who is equally tall you can put that in your ad and those that qualify will click to your ad.  You are in control.  You can pick, select, and choose.

There are all types of people online and they can search for specific traits.  If you are looking for a serious relationship, say so, if your looking for fun, say so.  You will get what you want and get responses based on what you ask for.  This way you are also not deceiving anyone and being upfront.  People will appreciate that.  Nobody wants to be duped or tricked.  In this way, apply this throughout the process of setting up your personal ad, in your headline, alias, and ad itself try to write honestly and from the heart, and don't forget to have fun doing it.

Say Something About Yourself

You can list things you like and activities you enjoy or your job and career goals but also try to give a view into the way you think or the views you hold.  Although you still want to have fun and try to be clever.
"Make love not war.  Really let's make changes in this world.  Do you agree?"
"From a big family, want to make one together."
"Yes I recycle and don't eat meat but I can be bad.  I'll give you a demonstration."
"Like whispering in girls ears.  Need I say more."
"Enjoy walks.  Enjoy the outdoors since I grew up near the mountains."
Be Honest, Yet Draw Them In
You can do this by giving a general description of what you've done but not give up all the details.  For instance, say you enjoy music, "Love Music", instead of saying exactly what kind, or if you want to be specific you can of course say, "Love Hip Hop", this way you narrow down who clicks on your ad, or you can name an artist or musician you love. 
However, if you get too specific you may exclude a number of people that might be right for you.  Another example of how you can arouse people's interest is by instead of just saying you enjoy traveling, you can say, "Been to five different countries in one trip," or rather than listing all of the countries you've visited right off.  Along the same lines you might say, "Speak love and two other languages."  Here you are kind of incorporating all the different levels of a good ad, clever, fun, sparks an interest, and gives someone a sense of your personality.  Another example could be, "Professional Recreational Sports Star."  This is a heading that is somewhat funny and may get people to ask what sport do you play recreationally/ professionally.
Another way to get draw people in and get them curious about your ad is to ask a question or give them a riddle to decipher:
"Get up and have a coffee or get up an have juice?"
"Write to me in two languages."
"Just finished school.  Finish this sentence:  I want to have___?"
These give a hint at your personality and at the activities you enjoy and makes the initial dating process interactive and fun.
 
Get Specific

Be specific when describing yourself.  Most sites will have a form to fill out to list your physical characteristics.  As was stated before, the truth always comes out, so in the beginning be truthful and you will be rewarded down the road.

Positivity

Be polite, sincere, and positive.  Say what you want rather than what you don't like, instead of "hate drunks", say "Can party without cocktails."  Try to give people the sense that you are open to new things and willing to try new things.

Express Yourself

There is almost nothing more fulfilling than creating something and expressing yourself clearly and sincerely all the while having fun doing it.  Also, the fun will only increase once you start receiving feedback and prospective dates start lining up in your inbox.  So create that amazing or funny Nike, Bud, BMW, Amazon or Super bowl advertisement right at the matchmaking site.  Of course, you can always improve upon it too, cutting and adding things as you begin to get responses and feedback.  It's not set in stone, your online personal ad is more like clay and yours to sculpt and mold.

Personal Ad Mistakes

As was stated earlier, don't list everything you enjoy doing like a shopping list.  State a few things you like to do and expand upon them.  You may feel like giving people a glimpse in on how you came to love doing this or that.  For example, you may love tennis because you like to challenge yourself individually or you may like playing basketball because you enjoy the team camaraderie.  Or you may have fallen in love with playing soccer because you used to play basketball but weren't tall enough and switched to soccer.  Have fun with it but also try to give a little history behind the hobbies and sports you enjoy. Don't mention past relationships right off, or keep it short and sweet if you do.

Less Is More

Too much information, as in a list of a million things you do or like is almost overwhelming.  Try to be succinct and capture the readers attention with a concise description or sentence or two.  Of course you need to give enough information to give people an idea of what your like but try not to ramble on. It is almost as if you're creating an ad slogan for your profile.  A catch phrase that sums up your personality or grabs the attention of visitors.
You want to show and not just tell in your ads.  Try not to say I'm an intelligent or a funny man or woman but rather show this in your writing with clever word play or even by making fun of yourself.  The latter is another key to dating online, don't take yourself too seriously, adopt a self-deprecating style, this shows confidence.

Self-Assurance

As is said at the beginning of this site, everyone approaches online dating with similar worries and fears.  You can discuss this with your potential date how you are so busy, and how the world has changed and people work more and longer hours and don't have time do even date or just get so wrapped up in their work they almost forget how to date.  You get into such a routine, work and then to the gym and then to your house and then do a little more work until you have  to go sleep and get up and do it all over again.  So be confident in your personal ad and don't stress on the initial foreignness of online dating.  Dating online is losing the stigma of being just for computer geeks.  More people are trying it and finding that is it easier than going to the bars or the clubs.  You are in control and choose who you want to talk to or chat with.

Fine Points

Don't use funky fonts, colours, or caps.  People don't want to be screamed at when you post a message, here simplicity is good.

Responding to Ads

This goes along with being honest.  You need to follow the ad writer's wishes.  If they say only looking for people of a specific religion or background then move on.  Don't waste their time or yours.  Or, if they want you to answer a certain question, answer it.  Try to reply to someone's ad with a response that you would enjoy receiving.

Good luck and have fun!

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